she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
