he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize