so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
