You can't motorboat a personality
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
