Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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