Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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