Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
