So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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