dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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