watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
