When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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