I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
