Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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