Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
