Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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