My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
