Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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