Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
