I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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