some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
