The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
