obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize