Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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