Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
