That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
