I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize