period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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