does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
sex in a hospital.. check
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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