We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
