Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
