mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
