well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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