420 ftw
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
