There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
