I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
