hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
