Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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