when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
