It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I had to cum in my sink.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
