He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
