The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
