Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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