guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
