just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You smell like stripper and shame
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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