I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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