If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
