Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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