And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
