Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im part way to drunk.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
