In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize