he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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