Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
