I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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