and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
