$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
