Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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