New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
