dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
