Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
