im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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