I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
