How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
