how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
