Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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