I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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