Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
