Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
