when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
