so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
