I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize