i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
