Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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