I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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