if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize