i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
