I wish I could teleport
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
