Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
