I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
