dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I believe in your delicious
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
