Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
