My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
