I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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