Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
