I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
