And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
