Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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