Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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