someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
