Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
