Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
