does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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