So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize