fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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