saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
