It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
