shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
