thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize