From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
