just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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